"The basis of all peace of mind, and what must be obtained before we get that peace,
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| Rest Photo by Bgrace |
"The basis of all peace of mind, and what must be obtained before we get that peace,
is a cessation of the conflict of two wills--His and ours."
Charles G. Gordon
My husband makes fun of me because he says I am not "one with my body." It's probably more true than not. I tend not to look where I am going, I often don't realize I'm tired until my eyes won't focus and my brain can't complete a thought, and sometimes I forget to eat. Monique, my friend who is a massage therapist, would agree. She can't seem to understand how I can ignore the knots in my neck until I get to the point where I can't turn my head.
I'm finding that the longer it takes me to catch the physical warning signals, the louder they get. So when I don't pick up on the fact that my stomach is growling, I eventually get to the point where all of a sudden I'm dizzy and shaking because...Oops! I haven't eaten all day.
To be one with your body, you have to pay attention to the signals.
I'm finding that this is true on a spiritual level as well. We are after all, spiritual beings. That is what it means to be alive. And I'm becoming more aware of the interplay between my spirit, God's Spirit, and the desires of my flesh. This isn't completely new to me. As a little girl, my Dad taught me to confess my sins before I went to bed at night. I remember asking the Holy Spirit to show me any sins that I had committed that I hadn't yet acknowledged. Often things would come to my mind, and I would stubbornly resist, "That's not sin!" And I would argue my case with God until at last I would clearly see the darkness of my heart, confess, and feel relief as the weight of guilt lifted from my spirit. (He always won.) Its' not so difficult for us to understand the role of the Holy Spirit in our lives when He speaks to our spirits and lets us know when we have grieved Him.
It is a bit more challenging to recognize that the Spirit guides us. Perhaps it is to a job, a church, or a spouse. This requires more discernment because the Spirit often works through our desires, through what makes sense, and through what we have the power to choose. But then again, sometimes He doesn't. Sometimes His desires go against ours, they don't make sense to our limited understanding, and at times He asks us to step out in faith and trust that there will be solid ground waiting underneath.
Lately, I've become more aware of a different movement of the Spirit. It is the working of God's Spirit in me to become. It is the pressure of the Spirit to bend my being to His, to let go of all that moves in opposition to his ways, and receive the dispensing of His grace which enables me to "have my being" in Him. I've become more aware of it because I am more able to tell the difference between His Spirit and mine.
When my spirit goes against His Spirit, it causes dissonance between us. And when my spirit fails to depend on His power I am unable to live out His calling.
Sometimes I miss the warning signals all together...until the dissonance is screaming in my head and I'm all tied up in knots. Then I realize--Oops! I missed the grumblings. By that time, I'm too weak and shaky to bend my being to His. All of a sudden I am clearly aware of the impurity in my heart and my incapacity to bring life and light to those around me becomes painfully obvious.
But His Spirit not only convicts, it gives grace to change.
I curl my spirit up at the feet of God and lay there broken, completely incapable of moving without His help.
The overwhelming power of my corruption weighing me down.
My inability to live in His likeness glaringly obvious.
I'm learning to wait, to rest there...in my brokenness, in my helplessness, in His loving and gracious presence.
He holds us in our brokenness.
I acknowledge the impurities of my spirit and ask Him to replace it with His Holy one instead.
Sometimes it seems like I stay in this place a long time. Minutes, hours, days...waiting, hoping, praying for relief. But then...when my spirit gives way under the pressure of His grace, it breaks the power of corruption and my spirit is free to bend in His direction. Only as His Spirit then floods my soul am I able to love those who don't, forgive those who withhold, and serve the not so humble.
It is the power of grace received, of grace re-gifted.
"If we live by the Spirit let us also walk by the Spirit. For the one who sows to his own flesh shall from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit shall from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary." Gal. 5:25, 6:8-9 NAS
"The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit, brethren. Amen"
Gal. 6:18 NAS
